lexi's screwtape letters: ettiquite, coffee, and eye balls.
there is a severe deficiancy of honesty in our world.
if you (or someone you know) is sad all of the time, they're either;
A. too stupid to see what is around them, or B. lying.
if you (or someone you know) is happy all of the time, they're either;
A. too stupid to see what is around them, or B. lying.
i'd like to believe that i am honest enough to evade the aforementioned tragic flaws.
and with this website, i plead my case.
click on the frequency knobs, and stuff from the brain of yours truly will appear.
click on the bottom knob, and stuff about yours truly shows up. (and please, spare me the "boob tube" jokes.)
Thursday, January 11, 2007
there are things rushing through my head.
things i'm not allowed to say.
i'm not allowed to say these things for a number of sensible, practical, and logical reasons.
when it boils down to it...insomnia is lethal for an over-analyzer such as myself.
tonight there is the perfect mix of lonliness, caffeine, illogical thought, over analyzation, awe, honesty, and...insomniac coursing through my veins, that many of the things i'm not allowed to say because of practicallity, sensability...and all the other bilities...are simply forcing their way onto my computer screen.
for example:
if i'm being sensible, i should be sleeping soundly because i do have to get up for work around 6 am.
but in my unsensible manner...i'm thinking about how sometimes, when you look straight into my eyes i feel like i just might die because of the onslaught of emotion you thrust upon me. shameful lust, and pure love, and respect, and begrudging need. your blue locks inside of my brown and i feel all of that, at once. it's a bit overwhelming.
the reason i shouldn't say that is because for a woman to admit that a man has that kind of power over her is somehow so...needy. and pathetic. but as i mentioned before..i'm beyond the things i shouldn't say.
i'm also thinking about what a heaven-send sleeping next to another person is.
for nineteen years...i've slept primarily alone.
meaning, without another person.
when the majority of your life is spent resting in the comfort of...box springs and poly-cotton blend...
resting in the comfort of another human's steady breathing is like finally releasing your grip from the chin-up bar in junior high...you just sort of fall gratefully into release.
i'm thinking that if i have to fall asleep to the incessant, buzzing cocoon of my fan one more night...i just might put a pillow over my face and tell the world to fuck off.
the problem with the aforementioned thought?
noone should be so lonely that simply the sound of another human's breathing is enough to keep her sane. and really, it's so unbecoming of a lady to say fuck.
alexis
11:12 PM
tidbits
i'm a fan of capatalism, and therefore a super fan of al greenspan.
i dig it when boys teach me things.
the worst song i've ever heard is anything by clay aiken.
i once met george hamilton. google him.
i'm generally wrong.
i generally assume that people know when i'm lonely.
i enjoy solidarity...until solidarity crosses over into lonliness.
i'm a slave for anything c.s. lewis has (had?) to say.
steven colbert's whit. i need'nt say more.
i'm soooo trendy. i'm also a tool who pretends to be anti-trend.
i live for
the feel of a book in my hands.
higher power, and worship therein.
thinking.
the sound of my fingers tapping the keys.
the comforting emptiness of a blank notebook.
text messages.
money.
the english language.
multi-facited...ish-ness.
did i mention the english language?
questions.
a sideways glance, an outstretched arm behind the passenger side seat, and fingers brushing the ends of my hair.
the unattainable five year headache.
is it just me...?
...or can you tell how someone feels about you by the way your name sounds as they say it?
...or does oprah have two faces? (figuritivly? literally? you be the judge.)
...or can someone else sense that our generation is about to go beyond simply dropping the ball...but could possibly drop kick it into oblivion?
...or am i the only one that feels like i'll never beable to afford life?
...or are you too, annoyed with the fact that the faux-hawk is no longer kitschy and cool...i mean, paula abdul is sporting it regularly!
...or does it seem like your life won't be good until you lose twenty pounds and get an ipod?
...or is there someone out there who thinks that the re-vamped, new and improved version of christianity is totally commercial and lame? unless of course, we're talking about jon foreman.
...or...is it just me?
stuff that has changed my life.
aguagates, sweaty pillow cases, 100 pound crosses, "taxi" rides, jet skis, merengue, and fresh milk.
acoustic guitars.
the lost generation.
apolegetics.
religious dogma.
summer.
suvs.
winter.
a prairie home companion.
sisterhood of the traveling jacket...sort of.
rooftops.
the critical thinking corner.
the lincoln sign.
john mayer.
bertrand russel.
c.s. lewis.
fox news.
igby goes down.
online poker.
gracie and chandler.
xanga.
fold out couches.
sunfires.
planned parenthood.
composition notebooks.
stuff to think about (for those of you who do so)
"As long as this deliberate refusal to understand things from above, even where such understanding is possible, continues, it is idle to talk of any final victory over materialism." -clive sinclair lewis.
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." -c.s. lewis.
"Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you." -are you sensing a trend here?
"The rich get richer and the poor get — children." -fitzgerald (a liberal golden child) said so.
"I'm glad it's a girl. And I hope she'll be a fool- that's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool." -Daisy Buchannan.
"Sookie: You call your mother "Mimi"?
Igby: "Heinous One" is a bit cumbersome.
[Sookie nods]
Igby: And Medea was taken." -igd.
"Igby: If heaven is such a wonderful place then how come being crucified is such a big fucking sacrifice?" -igd.
"D.H. Banes: I believe, umm, that certain people in life are meant to fall by the wayside; to serve as warnings to the rest of us; signs posts along the way.
Igby: To where?
D.H. Banes: Success." -igd.
"Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free."
-Ronald Reagan.
"Entrepreneurs and their small enterprises are responsible for almost all the economic growth in the United States."
-Ronald Reagan.
"How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin."
-Ronald Reagan.
"There are no great limits to growth because there are no limits of human intelligence, imagination, and wonder."
-Ronald Reagan.
